Bag of...Bones. Or fill in the word of your choice. AMC's Bag of Bones, which was a two-parter, aired last night and tonight.
I have to vent. I know there's some serious problems going on in the world. Famine, rampant disease, corrupt governments, Justin Bieber, riots, mass murders, war and terrorism. But Bag of Bones...ARGH
Some of you might know me as "that hockey guy." But I am weirder than just that. I am a tremendous Stephen King fan since I was a kid and read The Stand. I have all the books. Not just all, but multiple copies of all, in limited boxed sets, rare versions, foreign versions, signed versions, comic book versions, picture book versions. My book collection is insured. I paid an obnoxious sum of money once to see the Rock Bottom Remainders in a charity event just so I could meet him. I've stayed overnight at the real Shining hotel, took the "IT" bus tour in Bangor, Maine (fictionally known as "Derry"), and stayed up with a group one night getting drunk by the foot of the infamous Standpipe. Yes, that exists. I buy Dark Tower limited edition prints for the walls. My house is some weird crossbreed of NHL and bookcases full of King and my wife's animal print shit.
No, I'm not Annie Wilkes' male counterpart, lol. I'm a honest to goodness respectful reader. People who haven't read any of his work, who've just seen the movies, don't get it. I'm not going to defend his work in detail, but the guy makes you fall into it completely. The characters are detailed, deep and believable. The level of detail and realism in the backgrounds and lives of his people makes you absolutely positive you have met them. His subject matter is strange, yes. Here's a guy who churned out an occasional clunker like Dreamcatcher, yes, but he also created The Shawshank Redemption, and once you've read any of them, you never forget the characters and their stories.
Bag of Bones is my second-favorite King novel (only behind the Dark Tower series). The character of Mike Noonan was so extremely well-written that you felt his grief at losing his wife, his frustration at his writers' block, right along with him. Every aspect of the novel was eerie, sad, and frightening. I think I fell in love with Mattie Devore right along with him, and when she was killed, I cried (for real). "When she danced", that whole scene still has the power to make me tear up.
When I heard about the novel being turned into a mini-series, my stomach dropped, but once again I decided to give it a chance.
Mistake. Cheesy. Over- and under- dramatic in all the wrong places. Pierce Brosnan. Funny instead of frightening. Mattie Devore turned into a characterless stick figure. Max Devore and Rogette turned into cartoons. Vapid lines and senseless plot twists. What the HELL was that stupid bath scene with Mattie at the end? I just wasted 4 hours of my life.
By this time in my life, I should know damn well that daring to watch anything "Based on the Novel by Stephen King" means you have about a 90% chance of being disappointed, scornful, disgusted, or a combination of the three. But I can't make myself not watch and see, just in case it's another Stand By Me or Shawshank. Someone please remind me of this post when they decide to come out with the Dark Tower mini-series. Thank you, my vent is complete.
Some of you might know me as "that hockey guy." But I am weirder than just that. I am a tremendous Stephen King fan since I was a kid and read The Stand. I have all the books. Not just all, but multiple copies of all, in limited boxed sets, rare versions, foreign versions, signed versions, comic book versions, picture book versions. My book collection is insured. I paid an obnoxious sum of money once to see the Rock Bottom Remainders in a charity event just so I could meet him. I've stayed overnight at the real Shining hotel, took the "IT" bus tour in Bangor, Maine (fictionally known as "Derry"), and stayed up with a group one night getting drunk by the foot of the infamous Standpipe. Yes, that exists. I buy Dark Tower limited edition prints for the walls. My house is some weird crossbreed of NHL and bookcases full of King and my wife's animal print shit.
No, I'm not Annie Wilkes' male counterpart, lol. I'm a honest to goodness respectful reader. People who haven't read any of his work, who've just seen the movies, don't get it. I'm not going to defend his work in detail, but the guy makes you fall into it completely. The characters are detailed, deep and believable. The level of detail and realism in the backgrounds and lives of his people makes you absolutely positive you have met them. His subject matter is strange, yes. Here's a guy who churned out an occasional clunker like Dreamcatcher, yes, but he also created The Shawshank Redemption, and once you've read any of them, you never forget the characters and their stories.
Bag of Bones is my second-favorite King novel (only behind the Dark Tower series). The character of Mike Noonan was so extremely well-written that you felt his grief at losing his wife, his frustration at his writers' block, right along with him. Every aspect of the novel was eerie, sad, and frightening. I think I fell in love with Mattie Devore right along with him, and when she was killed, I cried (for real). "When she danced", that whole scene still has the power to make me tear up.
When I heard about the novel being turned into a mini-series, my stomach dropped, but once again I decided to give it a chance.
Mistake. Cheesy. Over- and under- dramatic in all the wrong places. Pierce Brosnan. Funny instead of frightening. Mattie Devore turned into a characterless stick figure. Max Devore and Rogette turned into cartoons. Vapid lines and senseless plot twists. What the HELL was that stupid bath scene with Mattie at the end? I just wasted 4 hours of my life.
I am Jack's wasted life.
By this time in my life, I should know damn well that daring to watch anything "Based on the Novel by Stephen King" means you have about a 90% chance of being disappointed, scornful, disgusted, or a combination of the three. But I can't make myself not watch and see, just in case it's another Stand By Me or Shawshank. Someone please remind me of this post when they decide to come out with the Dark Tower mini-series. Thank you, my vent is complete.
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